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COLUMN I
THERE always has to be a down side, doesn’t there?
***
GOOD morning. Yesterday we reported celebrations in a certain provincial
town, as floods of H2O roared from every available tap. The day before we
revealed the water woes of that town’s residents under the rule of King Paua
and the Emperor Wara. There, we thought – we’ve made a whole new bunch of
friends.
***
NOT a bit of it! No, yesterday afternoon we received word, delivered in
frosty tones, from a well-known religious order in that town. Apparently
their water pipes, grown rusty after many years of service, had been rent in
twain by the unaccustomed pressure. Cassocks were hastily hoisted as
mini-lakes proliferated and great fountains plumed into the sky.
***
MEMORIES of an Ark-building gentleman were grimly recalled; the modern
equivalent of the cubit was hotly debated and available stocks of timber
viewed but deemed woefully inadequate. The fountains continued to splash and
glitter in the sunlight.
***
BUT any invocation of Noah and his cubits proved unnecessary; later reports
indicated that the schism had been speedily mended, and the accustomed
sedate flow of aqua restored. Thank goodness for that; we dare to hope that
with the restored pipes, the wholesome and uneventful life of the Column may
return to normal.
***
THE whole saga would have made a wonderful movie – talking of which, it’s
time to spare a thought for our film lovers. We’re happy to say there’s a
clever and hugely enjoyable movie on at 7 tonight on HBO; it’s the 1990 hit
The Witches – adults will revel in it and the kids will enjoy it as well.
***
THE witches, led by a brilliant Anjelica Huston, set out to poison all the
children in Britain; a small boy who has been turned into a mouse schemes
with his Granny to outwit them. Apart from Huston, there’s Rowan Atkinson
(Mr Bean), the excellent Jane Horrocks and as Granny, Mai Zetterling in one
of her last movies. Don’t miss it!
***
AND for those who want basic blood and thunder, there’s the Academy Award
winning Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood and Morgan Freeman, at 8 on EMTV.
Cheers!
***
- Dee Nesenolis
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