WE were offered a live baby crocodile with its teeth-encrusted snout tied up in a rather grubby cerise handkerchief yesterday. The reptile locked eyes with ours and glared balefully. Was that an ill-remembered nursery rhyme in the air, something akin to “never smile at a crocodile, don’t be taken in by his friendly grin?”
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WE couldn’t quite see Mrs Dee Nesenolis becoming all warm and fuzzy over an armour-plated and singularly bad-tempered looking crocodile. Unlike sycophantic felines purring in one’s lap, or beady-eyed Pomeranians fluffed up in baskets, there are problems with crocs. Names – you can’t call the leg-cruncher “Fluffy”. Maybe “Fang” or “Vlad” as in Vlad the Impaler?
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PARROTS now – they’re more our style. We’ve known a few feathered performers whose mimic turns were unforgettable. Forget the innocent Victorian image summed up by “Polly want a cracker;” that era is now seen through a haze of double meanings. The phrase clearly referred to a politician searching for a stick of dynamite. Well-known terrorist Queen Victoria (aka Mrs Brown) had a lot to answer for. Terrifying.
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BUT we wander. “Captain”, which belonged to an elderly great-aunt of ours whose lengthy associations with those who sailed the seven seas were, shall we say, legendary within the family. Blush.
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“AVAST!” the multi-coloured avian would shriek in tones distressingly similar to those of the aforementioned ancient; “avast, or I’ll hit you between wind and water!” The family publicly asserted that great-aunt Constance uttered this and other similarly distressing quips unaware of their meaning. However, many decades later, we confess grave doubt.
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MOST annoying habits of the week so far – and it’s only the day between Monday and Wednesday! First: Radio announcers who cannot be bothered back-announcing music, leaving their listeners foaming at the mouth.
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THESE miscreants tie with news readers who believe that good communications can be achieved by unintelligible gabbling at a pace that would have done credit to famed Oz horse race radio commentator Cliff Carey on speed. Slow down – we actually want to hear what you have to say. Cheers!
– Dee Nesenolis