Caged in forced marriage

By Lt Col JOE TERIKIAN
I WAS living under an unbearable situation under a forced marriage.
I never knew my rights at that time, however as time went by I came to realise my rights as a woman.
I turned to church for comfort, I asked for church wedding but dispute all that happened. I asked for my bride price as required by my village custom, again nothing eventuated.
I was helpless as all the people that I met told me that I have a very good husband who provided everything. However, what everybody never knew is that my marriage was a forced marriage.
My name is Josephine, (not her real name) I am from Vanimo, West Sepik, currently residing in Vanimo town with my de-facto husband John, (not his real name) from Madang.
John used to work with a logging company in Vanimo.
This is my story, I want to share with all the other women. It is my hope that women and young girls that read my tale should never welcome any forced marriages unto their lives, especially if it’s being forced by our own family members and relatives as is my case.
Early Saturday morning, I came out from the bed, looking up to the clear blue skies wondering what the world will bring to me on that day.
To my surprise, John was brought to our family doorsteps and I was forced to marry him. The visibility of that clear blue sky Saturday soon unfolded with darkness in my mind.
My sweet heart soon filled with groaning and roaring of thunder storms, eyes fighting back tears of ire and my mind goes ‘why, why, why on earth is this man brought to my life and I am being forced?’
John whom I never dreamt about him, never met him nor sighted him with my naked eyes before, nor even shared a buai or a moment together in my life was the man brought to my doorsteps and I am forced to become his lifetime partner.
I thought of refusing to marry John but I was very scared of being bashed up by my brothers and family members even though, my late mother totally disagreed.
Forcefully I went and I stayed with John. We later had a son who is now attending elementary school.
For interest sake, I am John’s third wife (de-facto of course). He had grown up kids from his two previous marriages, and some grandchildren.
John showered me with money and materials. I was blind at that time taking all this for granted.
We had a very big age difference. I was immature, at tender age of 17 and John was in his late 40s.
I never know my rights as a woman. One simple fact kept on bothering me; I am trying to live and pretend that I love this man John, in fact he wasn’t either my boyfriend or someone that I knew and agreed to get married to.
I must admit, I don’t have any attraction to this man at all nor any of his physical features looks attractive to me. What he had was material wealth in money and cargo.
Every time we had arguments, John always hurt me so much by his words that, I usually broke down and sobbed for very long time. In my heart I used to tell myself, I never loved this person but I was forced into marrying him.
My daily chores were preparing morning breakfast at 6am, laundry, and washing then cooking lunch and house cleaning, followed by preparing dinner, and more house cleaning or laundry.
I never had time to visit my relatives in my village. John discouraged me from playing sports. Even a chat and sharing buai with our next door neighbours were all restricted.
All these resulted in me having another love relationship with another man name Bradley (not his real name).
The important fact here is that I freely loved Bradley. My tender heart was for him and my eyes cannot live without seeing him for a day. Yes, I have been contacting him over the phone, about 15 mobile calls and 30 text messages per day.
When John found out about my relationship with Bradley, all hell broke loose and extra arguments began.
He bashed me up badly with bruises all over my face and body. I hardly walked for a week, locked inside the house boiling hot water and washing the bruises.
He locked away some of my clothes and stopped giving me money, and took away my phone.
I had made my decision freely because I know I love Bradley and vice versa, for the better or worse, only time will tell.
I was advised by a female social worker who is (with respect) related to John. She advised me that I was wrong and that I should not pursue my dream of making my own decision to move out of my current marriage arrangement with John.
She further warned me that John could take me to court and that I would pay maintenance for my son. In addition she told me to stop contacting Bradley.
I am unemployed and not highly educated but I know that the law is there for everybody.
I said to myself, I can explain myself in court without being harassed or intimidated if given a fair opportunity.
For a successful marriage two people must first freely agree and or fall in love with each other.
I have now made my decision to move on with my life. I request that all my family members and friends must respect my decision.
To my family members who contributed to my forced de-facto marriage I say I forgive you all.
Having gone through all the rough seas that tossed me to either sides of married life, I now realised my basic freedom has been denied.
For the love of money and cargo, my own relatives forced me to marry John that deprived me from my basic freedom of choice, speech and movement.
Experiencing the dark side of married life, I want to now move on with my life with the man I love so intimately.
I hope, my life story is an inspiration to many women facing similar situations and in particular other families in West Sepik.
To women and young ladies out there falling in love with money and cargo, never ruin your future by giving into a life of forced marriage.

• The author is the acting Commandant of the Joint Forces College and Lae Area Commander at Igam Barracks.