Changing men for better families

By WATSON GABANA
Baile and Dulcie Ninitz have been married for 33 years. They live in their little saksak thatched house at Wampit village, some 45 minutes drive out of Lae city.
They are just like any other rural couple, living daily on gardening to make ends meet. But like every other couple in the world today, they do have a story to tell; a story of how they met and got married.
The moment Baile laid his eyes on Dulcie one Saturday morning on his way to work at the Gusap market, in Ramu, 33 years ago, the male hormones fully kicked in.
“Immediately, I knew she was mine,” Baile said with a giggle.
“I looked into her eyes and immediately she looked into mine. Mi save em samting bilong mi,” Baile said without hesitation and a tone of confidence.
And it was true then.
After work, Baile came straight to the Gusap market and met Dulcie who was waiting for him. They never met before or even dated. That was their very first meeting and the final one.
Dulcie is from Rumpa village in the Markham district, Morobe. She never thought one bit of marriage when she left her family for Gusap with her lots of peanut. She never knew that it was her last night at Rumpa and she would ever go back to her family and village again.
Baile left work right then, took his beautiful young wife Dulcie and returned to Wampit village in the Huon Gulf district. They now have five children.
Everyone in Wampit never knew exactly how Baile and Dulcie met and got married but one thing very obvious was how he was treating her all these years.
Baile was a strong and cruel man. He was bossy and commanding. He ruled his home and territory with an iron-fist. All his children grew up in a very violent home under a supreme commander in Baile Ninitz.
“Baile em save hait na paitim meri bilong em olgeta taim. (Baile secretly beats up his wife regularly),” a church leader later told me.
“Mipela olgeta save gut long pasin bilong Baile. Em wanpela man blong hait na paitim meri. (We all know who Baile is. He secretly beats up his wife often),” he said.
“Mipela ol hetman sindaun planti taim pinis long stretim hevi bilong tupela. (We elders met and settled their marital issues so many times),” he continued.
This all changed when Baile walked proudly up to the podium to receive his certificate of participation on Sunday, May 6, 2018.
The crowd roared in appreciation as Baile gently grabbed his wife by her hand, pulled her to himself, hugged and kissed her, re-igniting their first love on stage.
Tears of joy came gushing down every onlooker’s cheeks as the villagers stood in adoration cheering the new Baile Ninitz, revived and refreshed with new life.
“I am a changed man. The Lord has changed me completely this week,” Baile declared.
“I washed my hands before my wife and children confessing to them that I will never again hit, shout or do anything bad to them,’ he said.
“The Man Kamap Papa Tru training has really transformed and changed me. I am not just another man. I am a father, resembling my Daddy God, who is the Father of all fathers. I have a special purpose to love my wife and children,” Baile declared.
“For the past five days, I have been reviewing my life. I asked myself, am I a good father? No, I am not. I lied, cheated, abused and dragged myself into the mud, like a pig,” he said.
“I now repent from all these evil I commit to my wife and children and the community,” Baile sobbed.
It was indeed a day of repentance, reconciliation and re-union of broken marriages and families for 131 men at Wampit village that Sunday morning.
“Today, we declare Wampit a changed community. The training has changed our mindset, our attitudes and our beliefs. We the fathers have changed and so our village will change for the better,” the 131 men declared solemnly in solidarity.
They read aloud their pledges to their wives and children on graduation day to cement their commitment for change.
“We will look after our wives and our children as responsible fathers. We will utilise our resources to transform this community so Papua New Guinea can come and learn from us.”
Each man signed an oath before God and his family to remain a good and loving father, and promised not to do any harm to anyone, including his wife and children.
Father Heart International, a newly established non-government organisation based in Lae has been trialling this Man Kamap Papa Tru training and mentoring programme and the Building Homes – Building Families housing project in some remote villages of Morobe.
The organisation was launched in September last year by Governor-General Sir Bob Dadae at the Lae International Hotel. It was again embraced by Cardinal Sir John Ribat in November on behalf of the Papua New Guinea Christian Leaders Alliance on HIV/Aids.
FHI 360 began implementing its programme s since then. Although no funds were secured, FHI continued to run training and mentoring programme in two remote villages in Markham and Huon Gulf districts.
In December last year, 135 men completed one week of intensive training and mentoring on the Man Kamap Papa Tru training modules in Biyo village of Markham district. In Wampit early this month,131 men were also schooled.
The training and mentoring programme was developed to elevate men to become good and responsible fathers.
Rev Pinaria Sialis, director and founder of Father Heart International recently said:
“Programmes targeting men are required at this stage to help curb and reduce social issues affecting women, girls and children in our communities. We need programmes and projects to empower and make men and boys to see themselves as important catalysts for change and development.
“Men should be empowered to take their rightful position as the heads of nucleus families as intended by God, the Father of all fathers.
“Most programmes are dealing with the flame, but the log is still burning. If we put off the fire by pouring water on the burning log, the flames will diminish forever. Our programme is dealing with the burning log,” Rev Pinaria said.
The Christian Life Churches, through Father Heart International, the social services arm of the local church is taking this concern very serious.
“The training programme is a Bible-based, Holy Spirit-inspired five-day training module specifically developed to empower men to become fathers.
“We intend to train every male person from the ages of 18 and over – the biblical truths about their role as men and fathers as intended and sanctioned by God – the Father of all fathers.
“The training programme is to equip the men to take their position as fathers and heads of their family. These men will be empowered with specific information, knowledge and skills to manage their nucleus families. This training programme has modules also talking about men’s sexual health needs, gender issues, family planning, sexually transmitted infections, sorcery issues, other social issues and God’s extravagant love for humanity.
“Every male will be equipped with abundant knowledge and skills so they can make prudent decisions to manage their nucleus family and their own life – because fathers have a rare and special calling. (Full content of the modules will be discussed in part 2.)
Complementing this training will be the Building Homes – Building Families housing project. The church is establishing a home builders ministry team, comprising of professional architects, designers, builders, handymen and volunteers.
Low cost houses will be constructed using local materials for all those who attend the Man Kamap Papa Tru training programme. These families will be given a gift in the form of a permanent shelter so the father can fully exercise his role in his family unit inside the house, utilising the skills, knowledge and insight he gained from the training. (The building homes – building families house project will be discussed in part 3).
“We will not only train men to become good fathers. We will also build them decent accommodations. A complete house with solar light installation, water tanks and VIP latrines per house per family,” Rev Pinaria said.
The 131 men are now organised into their seven clans. They will mill timber from their forests to build houses for each nucleus family.
Father Heart International is establishing its affiliate office in the community to manage all processes in transforming the village into a model healthy village. The same will happen at Mare and Biyo before the programme can be rolled out throughout Papua New Guinea.

• To be continued.
• Watson Gabana is a freelance writer.