Crossing from uncle to grandpa territory

LIFESTYLE

Marfuka is a fictional character who enjoys a good yarn. He tells stories that capture his life from when he could remember as a small boy to his adult life now closing in on the 60s. There is a twist though as some of these accounts can be tweaked as he juggles reality and his own imagination on what life should be. 

THREE young boys are in the Vision City shopping mall in Port Moresby with their father – just enjoying their time in what can be described as an ‘all boys’ outing.
The young family has three other siblings who are girls. They are not with the boys but back at home with their mother. The boys are 12, 10 and nine years of age. They are being referred to as a young family because Marfuka is comparing them to his own. His own family used to be six boys who are now men. He has only one daughter.
Three of Markufa’s sons have their own families with children of their own. The other three are still single.
It is a Sunday evening.
Marfuka hasn’t seen this chap, who is a colleague, for some time. In fact, the last time he saw him was last year in 2023 in the month of December. It was after the last gig they did.
It is now February.
They have started a conversation which is becoming longer than it is meant to be. It seems they have more to talk about as they discuss what they do as a “side hustle” – a piece of work or a job one does in addition to their main job.
Side hustles can be freelance, flexible schedule, or gig-based in various industries. Unlike traditional employment, side jobs are often flexible and allow one to set their hours.
Both have regular employment at different organisations. But once a week they get together to do this other job, which is a two-hour block that they work into their regular schedules.
One of the kids wanders off. The father explains that he is the one who has a tendency to do that. If he doesn’t agree with what’s unfolding he goes off on his own. The other two have their own styles too. The younger one likes to give his father a friendly punch to get a point across.
Marfuka knows he is taking away this young family’s time together but he needs to have this conversation with the father. So he comes up with an idea for the family to consider. What if they get a bite at the fried chicken shop just a few metres away from where they are standing, Marfuka is thinking. He eventually poses it as a question to the father, who lays it out to the group.
It works. The family endorses it as a unanimous decision.
So they file into the chicken eatery. Marfuka places an order and the small group selects a table to wait at to be served.

The father turns to Marfuka and asks how his children can address him. Should they call him uncle or bubu, grandfather in the Tok Pisin?
That is an interesting question indeed. Pushing towards his 60s, Marfuka can easily pass for a grand dad. He is actually that to seven grandchildren so it makes perfect sense.
But he can be an uncle too. Makes Marfuka younger as the bubu reference just brings out those years that he has clocked so far.
Grand father is the father of one’s father or mother. Uncle is the brother of one’s father or mother or the husband or male partner of one’s aunt.
Those are definitions in real terms. But in Papua New Guinea the cultural acceptance at times is devoid of the conventional definition of such words. This country and others with similar cultural settings, particularly in the Pacific region, seemingly make up their own rules when it comes to practice.
So in such contexts the extension of such references becomes an accepted norm. Now Markufa gets drawn back to the present when the father is asking permission on how his children can refer to him. It would be interesting how the young ones would have told their story when they returned home and tried to share their experience.
But Marfuka doesn’t forget to remind the young father to make the most of the time he now has with his young children. Because years down the line that experience would have breezed right past him and become just mere memories, exciting or otherwise depending on how, these turned out to be.
The children are now young so a father has a fair bit of influence on whether they can have a weekend outing such as this or be engaged in other activities.
Once they grow up to be teenagers, then adults – they would have their own families, their own challenges – have their own lives.
The question would be – did you as a father then make the most of the opportunity to spent time with your children? Are you doing that if you are a young father reading this article?
That opportunity is there now. But before you know it – it will be gone. Once they move into their teens – they would prefer to do things with their friends.
So take the advice. Use that opportunity now.
This is a family that is conventional.
Marfuka then drifts into wonder mode. What about those that do not have a father that is there for them? Or a mother who these three boys would go home to.
Marfuka recalls the time when he walks through areas that can allow one to see fragments of what a family unity should be. Some of these experiences are heart-wrenching for want of a better word to describe them.
Marfuka was crossing an overhead bridge the other time. Two young boys approached him, asking for some money to buy something to eat. He pulled out some change from his pocket. It happens to be a K10 note. He gives it to the one closest to him with the intent that they share it. He deduces that if they are working together they will share it and buy some food for themselves.
Wrong. An annoying scenario unfolds right before him. The two youngsters are aged between 11 and 14. They end up arguing. Marfuka is in a hurry to get to an appointment. But this scene has forced him to correct the situation.
The father in him has now taken over. He stops and retraces his steps to where the boys are – now engaged in a heated argument on who should claim the money as their own and hence has the right to do whatever he pleases.
Marfuka threatens to demand the money back from them if they are not going to share it.
The one whom the money was given to is now very apologetic. He is practically pleading because a security guard, not far away, is getting interested in what is happening.
Marfuka tells the boys to split the money in half so that they have K5 each. That is the best he can do because that is the only cash he has in his pocket.
But Marfuka’s heart is torn in sympathy. Where are the parents of these kids, he asks himself.
Are they homeless children who are forced to fend for themselves because something terrible happened to their parents? Or is it a clear case of negligence by the parents, who have left them to survive on their own.
Other more developed countries have orphanages where young children are provided homes to grow up in. Families can also adopt these children and provide them a life that at least ensures they get a decent meal each day and a home to call their own.
Marfuka then recalls a Filipino television series which he watched some time back. Entitled Dolce Amore, it is a story about Serena (Liza Soberano), a rich, sophisticated, and beautiful Italian bella, and Tenten (Enrique Gil), a poor and hardworking Manila boy who will do anything for his family, and how their worlds collide as they search for identity and love.
Dolce Amore (Sweet Love) is a 2016 romantic drama television series directed by Maee Cruz-Alvir, Cathy Garcia-Molina and Richard Arellano. The series aired on ABS-CBN Filipino Channel from Feb 15 to Aug 26.
The full series is 137 episodes long. But parts of it covers the story of orphanages which is where Tenten was plucked from and adopted into a regular family in the Philippines.
When TVWAN decided to introduce the Filipino drama series to the PNG audience, it was quite a hit and families would gather around at prime time to watch it. They do still.
Marfuka’s family was captivated by these Filipino blitz of TV series too.
The PNG Hunters rugby league games were on TV and so were NRL games. So when the games were scheduled on the same time these TV series were on – the scenario of what would take precedence on what the family should watch became a contentious subject. In the end Marfuka eventually got captivated by the series too and followed it quite closely like the rest of the family.
Another one that became quite popular to the Marfuka family was Forevermore. Again featuring Enrique Gil and Liza Soberano as the main characters. This aired on the Filipino Channel from Oct 27, 2014 to May 22, 2015.
It is filmed in several parts of the Philippines but most notably Sitio La Presa. The place is actually Sitio Pungayan, an upland barangay in Tuba Benguet province. This is now becoming a popular tourist attraction near Baguio City.
Barangay is a small territorial and administrative district forming the most local level of government in the Philippines.
In 2016, Marfuka visited Baguio. Join us next issue as we take you on that journey.