Let love, respect guide relationship

THIS nation is in crisis with all forms of violence that is spiralling out of control.
The recent murder of a young daughter and mother of two young children has caught the attention of every organisation who have strongly condemned violence against women.
Home is where love, respect, dignity and tolerance are taught by my parents and elders.
I was raised by parents who had no formal education but simple subsistence farmers.
Growing up I saw my father’s love for my mother.
He would toil the land and make gardens for my mother and when it was ready, he would call my mother to go and harvest.
The love and respect he demonstrated towards my mother was way beyond my comprehension.
He demonstrated his love for my mother by treating her as a queen.
They were not a perfect couple and sometimes they would argue – but guess what, my father would simply walk away.
For almost 70 years of their married life, I have never ever seen my father lay a hand on my mother.
This had a lasting impact on me till now. Through their sweat I was raised up studying by burning embers of a fire and sometimes burning diesel lamps and eventually I graduated with a degree.
I eventually fell in love and got married.
This is my 35 years of marriage.
I am with this woman who has been the mother of my four children and behind the success of my achievements.
Throughout this 35 years of marriage, I have never ever laid a hand on her.
Yes, we argue and sometimes on the point where I can’t control my anger but the memory of my father quickly takes over and I go for long walks and my anger would slowly subsided.
I would come back and we would reconcile.
My children see this in me and sometimes they ask me; “Mum was really mean, why can’t you hit her?”
I responded with this answer to my children; “Your grandfather taught me how to respect a woman by his actions. For all my life I have never ever seen him hit your grandmother. He would simply walk away. I am just following his legacy.”
Then thank God, I found Christianity – you see we say we are a Christian nation but I believe we are not.
We are so religious that the fundamental truths in the Bible are not taught properly to our children in our homes.
A missionary who came to my home province taught me this fundamental truth.
One day while driving into town, he saw a man belting the living day lights out of his wife.
The missionary stopped his vehicle, walked out with a baseball bat and walked right up to the man and told him to challenge him.
He told the man that the woman had no strength as him and if he wanted a fight, the man should challenge him (priest).
Upon seeing the baseball bat, the man fled.
The missionary took the woman to a nearby clinic.
This is the lesson the missionary taught us men during one of his sermon.
In Genesis Chapter 3, verse 18, God saw that Adam was a lonely man and decided that he should have a partner.
God took a rib to create Eve, verses 21 to 22 but the key word to be focused on is verses 18b/20b, “I will make him a help meet for him”.
The word help meet defines the role of women – a help meet.
After 35 years of marriage, I still cannot come to understand the strength women have.
My wife wakes up at 4am and sleeps at about midnight.
I come home to see a spotless, tidy kitchen, clothes neatly ironed and stored.
Everything is order. I honestly feel like a king.
I wonder where this woman whom I love and treasure get this strength to do things I practically cannot do.
It dawned on me that my father by God’s grace gave him that wisdom to treat my mother and as an educated elite.
My father’s actions and through the Bible I found the fundamental truths in how to treat my wife as a help meet.
I hope this would help men to see women as their help meet and not just a mere commodity to be used and abused.

Tumba Biinem,
Lae