A time for responsible parenting

 AS the 2013 school year draws to a close this week, parents and guardians are being reminded of their responsibilities to keep their children in check and out of mischief during the Christmas-New Year holidays.

The festive season is a time of great joy but it is prone to accidents that can easily turn celebrations into disasters.

Guest speakers at school graduation ceremonies this week have been giving some sound advice to parents and guardians.

But what is responsible parenting?

According to an educationist, parents are being bombarded with mixed messages about how to parent “the right way”.

“One of the most important ways for parents to clear through all the clutter of advice, guilt and comparisons to others is to understand what they are and are not responsible for when it comes to raising their children.”

The educationist lists 10 things that parents are and are not responsible for.

What parents are not responsible for:

Making sure their children are always happy: Parenting is not to make decisions based on what your children will like, tolerate, or be okay with, but to make the decisions that are best for them and your family business, then follow through.

Getting the approval of others: Parenting is not a popularity contest in your family or community. 

It feels good when other adults, such as your child’s teachers, tell you that your child is doing something well but it is not necessary in order for you to run your family business well.

Controlling your children: Your children are not puppets and you are not a puppeteer. 

There is just no logical way that you can control every move your child makes or everything your child says, especially outside of your home. 

Doing for your children what they are capable of doing for themselves: Let your kids struggle sometimes and try your best to balance the responsibility. 

You do not have to be Superman or Wonder Woman: You’re not one of them, nor should you strive to be. 

What  parents are responsible for:

Making tough decisions that are not popular ones: If your child does not get mad at you at least once in a while, you’re not doing your job. 

Teaching your child to function independently: Parenting is about teaching your child age-appropriate skills in order to allow them to become more and more independent. 

Holding them accountable: Setting some limits with your children when they are behaving inappropriately. 

For example, when your child is putting off their homework you might turn off the TV and say, “Watching TV is not getting your homework done. 

“Once your homework is done you can turn the TV back on.” 

Going along for the ride: There will be times when your child is doing well and times when he or she is really struggling. 

That is not a reflection on you, it just is.

Do your best: That’s really all you can do sometimes. 

It’s a perpetual balancing act – striving to find that balance between doing too much and doing too little, or giving consequences that are not too harsh but not too soft, either. 

The educationist explains that parenting can feel like a circus sometimes and there can be several balancing acts going on at one time.

“Above all else, remember that your child is unique and you know him or her better than anyone else on the planet. 

“You will always get input, no matter how obvious or subtle, from the world around you as to how you should parent your child. 

“You, however, are the expert on your child and get to make your own decisions about how to parent her in a way that teaches her to be independent and accountable while being loving and respectful of your child and her needs.” 

Indeed, great advice for all parents and those on the threshold of parenthood.

As children prepare to celebrate the festive season, their parents should take heed of what they are responsible for and not responsible for. That way we can all avoid unnecessary sorrow inthis festive season.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all our children and their parents.